Meet "Leaf Eric", Son!

It's been a couple of days since I've blogged. You'll have to pardon me as I'm not quite over the euphoria of the Leafs' newest signing. Eric Lindros. Have I died and gone to heaven? 817 points, 356 goals, 461 assists in 678 games, a Hart Trophy winner, 6 time all-star and 8 time winner of Concussion Of TheYear. Could a Leaf Fan ask for anything more? Lindros is a walking, living, breathing bobblehead! Who needs the doll? Training staff, I hear, are already working to afix a special druel cup to his helmet and, with a handicap sticker slapped on the back of it, he'll have the best seat on the bench right by the door so he never has to "hop" the boards. Lindros has always said that he wants to play for Toronto in the worst way. I have a feeling we'll see just that! Go Leafs Go!

Another Big Woody

My other favourite "Big Woody" shirt from PEI.

Lip Service For Eric The Intern

Since botox and big lips are all the rage these days, Doc and I are working Eric over big time in our effort to fatten up is smackers. Several listener tips have sent us on a visionquest to give Eric the pout he deserves. Putting his lips into a vacuum hose, propositioning a construction worker, Lip Fusion, dildo sucking and tuba playing have all been recommended as quick result - short term methods of giving Eric fat lips. He'll be expected to try them all. Stay tuned!
chez106.com

The picture is an "artist's" rendition of Eric's 'after' photo.

Frivolous Impulse Purchase

I don't spend a lot of money on frivolity for myself. Instead, I prefer beer and smokes. But every once in a while I'll just have to pick something up. There's a place on the Cavendish Boardwalk in PEI - a tourist trap if there ever was one - that sells "Woody" themed t-shirts. Last year I bought a "Big Woody's Golf Warehouse Shirt". I'll post it when I get a chance. This summer I found another keeper.
Considering the fact that one of my best friends (Gord) is a firefighter, I couldn't resist this one.
It's not that I'm self-imported or anything but, dammit, if my name's on it, I have rights!

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

A great side trip Mrs. Woody and I took during our second week of vacation was to Fundy National Park in New Brunswick. Discovering a great place to get back to nature, we packed the cigarettes and beer in the Woodmobile and headed off. Having heard from a friend about the great hiking trails and waterfalls where you can actually swim, Mrs. Woody suggested we try a trail with an intermediate degree of difficulty. Having a fitness membership these days, I agreed to it. We chose a 2.5 km trail to Laverty Falls and proceeded on our hike through what I could only describe as "Ferngully meets Frodo Baggins". The trail is rife with aged oversized tree roots and pockets of rich dark muck; two prime elements one must be constantly aware of while hiking in sensible yet affordable footwear. (We had sneakers.) On a downhill trail, the tree roots, at times, seemed to provide the effect of a guiding staircase to a lower level. On an uphill trail they seemed to act like the class clown that sticks his leg out on your way past his school desk. We arrived at Laverty Falls in 36 minutes to find the pool at the bottom of the falls and stepping stones crossing the creek that brought us to a rock landing. There, Mrs. Woody took her new Nikes off and tested the water. Too cold to swim, was her conclusion. Fine. I headed back across the creek, negotiating the stepping stones with pinpoint accuracy. Mrs. Woody had considerable difficulty, faltering half way. Now don't get me wrong: I love my wife and she's very intelligent, creative, sharp as a tack, cerebral as a hemorrhage. But her coordination can be sketchy at times and this was one of them. It was clear she was only thinking a step at a time because she hesitated and that's where she lost the battle. Always commit to your moves. So there she was, bent over with her arms stretched out like an Air France landing in Toronto during a thunderstorm, swaying left then right and all I could to was watch in horror as her left foot slid off into the water, giving her a soaker for the walk back. Had she been on a surfboard she wouldn't have looked at all ridiculous. For the record, the walk back uphill took only 33 minutes. We took two minutes to catch our breaths then I lit a cigarette, cracked open a couple of beers and we promptly toasted the great outdoors.

Another Vacation Photo

I'm lying on the beach in North Rustico, PEI when seagulls begin swooping down like an Alfred Hitchcock scene, looking for food. I get this idea to capture one in flight without the pollution of landscape in the backdrop. I wanted only sky this time. Suddenly, I fancy myself to be an artsy fartsy photographer - following a bird back and forth across the sky, trying to take the perfect shot. Damm things are all over the place. I'm aiming here and glancing there.. it's swooping there and gliding here..... I'm darting the lense left and right, trying follow a quick bird with a slow reaction shutter in my cheap digital camer. What I wound up with is 90 percent glare. Still, I think it's a pretty funky photo, if I do say so myself. And I only burned one retina doing it.

Doc & Woody's First Day Back

It was show and tell day on the Doc and Woody Show. In addition to my recounts of PEI and Boston, I had booked a guest for the show over my cell phone while travelling the eastern seaboard. Ontario PC leader John Tory's communications director Brendan Howe called me last Friday on my way to New Hampshire to inform me of John's visit to Ottawa on Monday and asked if there was time for a drop-in. We communicated 3 times that day and each time I was in a different state. Man, did I feel important. "So this is what it's like to be a mover and shaker". Or, a more likely truth, "So this is what it's like to be dumb enough to leave your cell phone on". In any event, since we missed him during Grey Cup Week last fall, I was more than happy to set it up. Listeners of the show got to know the casual fun side of John as well as his refreshing approach to politics and people's concerns.
I've always found the guy to have a keen sense of humour and a deep commitment to his work. I also saw, for the first time, his great sense of composure when we blind-sided him with the sight of Eric the Intern dressed up as Daisy Duke. It wasn't pretty, folks, but John was true to the chaotic environment of the show and presented a gripping display of grace under pressure. This guy's got the goods. I've known John Tory for several months as leader of the Ontario PC Party, have spoken with him a half a dozen times or more and I've seen him in action with the public. For a guy who wasn't my first choice for leader, and I wasn't alone in Eastern Ontario, I was still comfortable with him winning the leadership. It's a feeling I was right about. If you're finally sick of Dalton, pay close attention to John Tory over the next two years. You won't be disappointed.

Safety Matters!

I could never figure out how a single thin strip of paper over a motel toilet seat could protect me. Clearly, on the strip, it reads: FOR YOUR PROTECTION. If that little slip of paper can keep me from falling in after a night of heavy drinking or a bad reaction from Indian food, I say a Nobel Prize would be in order for the inventor. However, I do concede that the active word is "Sanitary". But, again, I'd feel more comfortable if they used a disinfectant cleanser instead of a simple sliver of pulp.
For my protection. I feel so reassured!

NORM!!!!!!

Ya can't visit Cheers in Boston and not have your mugshot taken with Norm. Right outside the upstairs gift shop is a giant.. er, should I say life-size cut-out of the big guy that occupied the end corner stool. At the very least, it's the touristy thing to do. People line up constantly with camera ready to capture the cheesiest of moments in one's adventures in tourism. So... who was I to argue? Truth be known, if only I was so jaded. It was, in fact, an asterisk on my agenda through Beantown. I would not leave until I had my snap moment with Norm. It was dicey, though. Dying batteries in the digital camera were threatening my one shot at Cheers immortality but I was not to be denied. The irony of Norm's cut-out is there is a regular in the downstairs bar that's 400 pounds if he's a biscuit. And, you know it, he sits right at the end of the bar. I'm starting to think now that there's an ergonomics to it all with fat people at end corners. I think further study is required. I must pencil in Cheers for next summer's journey.

A Little Know Lesson...

Woody? At Cheers? Hoodathunk! The storied Bull and Finch Pub on Beacon Street near Boston Common - the geographic inspiration for the long running NBC sitcom Cheers is a must visit whenever I hit Boston. Listeners of the Doc and Woody Show are aware of the many voices and impression I do, including postal worker Cliff Clavin.
I happened to be browsing in the gift shop when a couple of other tourists noted the "Cliffy" t-shirts on the rack. They contained the standard Cheers logo on the front with over a dozen Clavin "Little Known Facts" on the back. So I proceeded to read the facts to them in Clavinese. The first couple impressed the hell out of them. My Cliffuistics were on fire and I was unstoppable. I was holding court. I was in my element as a performer. I continued to read aloud in Cliffian for all to hear. As I looked up upon completing the list, I realized they had moved on to the other side of the shop while the rest of the patrons seemed oblivious. I then surreptitiously slunk behind a corner garment rack. Note to self: Always leave 'em wanting more.

I'm Back, Baby!!

3,723 km later, I'm back home after a well deserved vaction on the east coast. God's country, some call it. With near perfect weather, unmatched vistas and some of the friendliest people in the western hemisphere, it's definitely a slice of heaven. Mrs. Woody and I hit 4 provinces and 4 states in 14 days, shy of our 5 and 5 in 10 from last year but it was, nonetheless, a remarkable two weeks. The next few posts will, no doubt, feature pictures of our journey (yes, the dreaded vacation pictures everyone loves to show and few take little interest in). Following up on my first post, photo number one: What I Did On My Summer Vacation! ... "every picture tells a story, don't it?"